Signs of Abuse

The many different forms

When one thinks of abuse, it can be easy to say “Well, s/he doesn’t hit me or yell,” and minimize or rationalize why your partner is the way s/he is. “It’s just really stressful at work for them right now,” “It’s my fault that they get like this because I’m not doing things right,” or “I should have known better than to bother him/her about this thing before s/he had a beer and dinner.”

Abuse comes in many different forms, so let’s talk about them.

Physical – As we touched on, this is the most classic and possibly most recognizable form of abuse. This could involve actual physical abuse and threats of it. Some examples of physical abuse are:

• Pulling your hair or punching, slapping, kicking, biting, choking, or smothering you, your kids, or pets.
• Forbidding or preventing you from eating or sleeping.
• Preventing you from contacting emergency services, including medical attention or law enforcement.
• Driving recklessly or dangerously with you in the car or abandoning you in unfamiliar places.

Emotional – Another significant form of abuse, but more subtle to elicit control, frighten, or isolate you from support. This can include:

• Name calling, insults, humiliating you, constantly criticizing or blaming you for their behavior.
• Acting jealous or possessive / refusing to trust you.
• Gaslighting you by pretending not to understand or refusing to listen to you; questioning your recollection of facts, events, or sources; trivializing your needs or feelings; or denying previous statements or promises.

• Telling you that you’re lucky to be with them and that you’ll never find someone better.

Sexual – This is when your partner controls the physical and sexual intimacy in a relationship, specifically acting in a way that is non-consensual and forced. This also includes reproductive (pressuring you to have a baby) or sexual coercion (talks you into sex/wears you down into doing it). Examples include:

• Forcing or manipulating you into having sex or performing sexual acts, especially when you’re sick, tired, or physically injured from their abuse.
• Strangling you or restraining you during sex without your consent.
• Involving other people in your sexual activities against your will.
• Forcing you to watch or make pornography.

Financial – This is one type of abuse that is not thought of as often until it’s too late and is an important reason why we champion always having a separate bank account from your partner that they do not have access to. Some forms of financial abuse include:

• Depositing your paycheck into an account you can’t access, or preventing you from viewing or accessing bank accounts.
• Stopping you from working, limiting the hours that you can work, getting you fired, or forcing you to work certain types of jobs.
• Withdrawing money from children’s savings accounts without your permission.
• Living in your home but refusing to work or contribute to the household.

Digital – Another lesser-known form, but easier to prove as you’ll have proof of harassment if this pertains to you. This form of abuse involves the use of technology and the internet to bully, harass, stalk, intimidate, or control. Forms of digital abuse can be:

• Telling you who you can or can’t follow, or be friends with on social media.
• Sending, requesting, or pressuring you to send unwanted explicit photos or videos, or sexual or otherwise compromising messages.
• Constantly texting you or making you feel like you can’t be separated from your phone for fear that you’ll anger them.
• Stealing or insisting to look through your phone or checking up on your pictures, texts, and phone records.

Stalking – Last, but certainly not least, is stalking behavior, which can be:

• Showing up at your home or workplace unannounced or uninvited, or waiting around at places you spend time.
• Sending you unwanted texts, messages, letters, emails, voicemails, gifts or flowers.
• Calling you and hanging up repeatedly or making unwanted phone calls to you, your employer, a professor, or a loved one.
• Damaging your home, car, or other property.

If you think you may be suffering from abuse, we encourage you to call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) to put a safety plan in place and extricate yourself before you call us.

When you’re ready, we’re here for you. You can start with booking a free discovery call or schedule a consultation with us today!