5 Common Divorce Mistakes to Avoid

5 Common Divorce Mistakes to Avoid That Can Impact Your Outcome, Timeline, and Finances

When your marriage dissolves, it can feel like you’re on a rollercoaster ride with no end in sight. And it can be easy to make snap decisions that unintentionally harm you and your case in the long run and lead to divorce mistakes.

As attorneys, these are the 5 most common divorce mistakes we see:

1. Not Considering Your Divorce Process

Many people mistakenly assume that because they want to get divorced, they should automatically file in court. However, besides traditional litigation, there are other divorce resolution models to consider including: mediation, Collaborative divorce, and attorney-assisted negotiations. Each process has its own benefits and drawbacks. There are pros and cons in time, cost, the amount of control (or lack thereof) you have over the ultimate outcome of the case. Additionally, considerations around legal protections and the effect on your future co-parenting relationship (if you have children).

There is not a “one size fits all” solution here.

It is very fact-specific and ideally should be discussed with the guidance of an attorney. But the takeaway here is that the way you choose to get divorced will impact the timeline of your divorce, how much your divorce costs, the outcome of your case, and your relationships with your former partner and children.

2. Not Finding an Attorney Who Fits Your Goals/Values

You need to feel safe with your divorce attorney to share intimate and sometimes embarrassing details with them. There are few worse things as a divorce attorney than being blindsided with information about your client for the first time during a court hearing in front of the judge. If we know these things ahead of time, it gives us a chance to get the full context and to prepare counterarguments on your behalf. 

You also need to implicitly trust your attorney and their strategy on your case instead of relying on outside chatter, or worse, AI. Divorce cases can be lengthy, and signing up with a divorce attorney can be a semi long-term commitment, so ensure that their goals and values align with your own from the outset of your engagement.

(See our Guide to 5 Questions to Ask Your Potential Attorney for more on what you should look for)

3. Making Decisions Without Understanding the Full Financial Picture

A divorce is typically one of the largest and most consequential financial contracts a person will enter into in their entire lifetime. In many jurisdictions (including Massachusetts), property division is final and not modifiable, unless there have been extreme circumstances such as fraud. Therefore, once the judge has approved a separation agreement, it is essentially final. Unfortunately, it’s truly shocking the amount of people who agree to a contract without understanding the full financial scope or ramifications, so this absolutely makes our list of biggest divorce mistakes. 

The number of clients that have come to our firm after they have mediated an agreement without having a basic financial statement completed by their spouse is horrifying. As mediators ourselves, we won’t even schedule a first mediation session with the parties until both have completed financial statements as it is not an effective use of anyone’s time or resources. It’s impossible to make informed decisions if we don’t know what makes up the marital estate (what we are dividing regarding assets and liabilities).

One of our attorneys, Michelle Nicholls, once found $90K that a spouse was hiding from her client just by reviewing the financial documents and negotiated for extra alimony before the agreement was finalized – it’s more common than you think!

4. Making Decisions Based on Emotion

We say this with all the empathy in the world: Your emotions about your divorce are valid, but they most likely won’t change the outcome of your case. It’s proven that an unregulated nervous system makes people think and act irrationally, as well as makes them unable to absorb information (such as advice from their attorney). This can lead to delays, increased costs and an unsatisfying settlement. Most divorces these days are no-fault divorces, and conduct/fault is rarely considered into how the marital estate gets divided, save for some exceptions regarding significant dissipation of assets spent on extramarital affairs/gambling.

Sadly, Family Court is not a place to find justice or peace, or for rights to be wronged. The sooner one is able to accept this, the easier and more efficient the process will be. What moves the needle in Family Court is facts, evidence and data, and we encourage you to find healing and peace outside of the justice system.

5. Relying Solely on Your Attorney When Other Professionals Should Be Involved

Last but certainly not least, your attorney is your legal advocate and consultant. We are not:

• Therapists
• Life coaches
• Tax experts/ Financial consultants
• Realtors/ Mortgage brokers
• Co-parenting specialists

We urge you to avoid spending your attorney’s hourly rate on issues related to these topics when you should be paying a different divorce professional in their own zone of genius.

Family and friends can be great to lean on too, but they can be biased based on their experience and uninformed in these nuanced areas – so we formed the Purple Cloud Power Partners. These experts are vetted professionals who align with our mission and values, and integrate flawlessly into our legal strategy. Divorce should not be a solitary sport, and getting the right team in place leads to the best outcomes.

If you’re looking to get a real human to talk to and get advice from, let’s chat! Book a free discovery call or schedule a consultation to speak with a Massachusetts family law attorney.