Peaceful Holidays

Tips for Newly Separated Parents

With the holidays approaching, newly separated parents can feel pressured to make things as magical as possible for kids to distract them from the new circumstances that they find themselves in. Here are our suggestions for navigating the “most wonderful time of the year” without driving yourself crazy.

1. Don’t shy away from the talk, lean in. Your kids will likely have questions about how the holidays will look now that the family dynamic has changed. They may also experience challenging emotions of disappointment, sadness, anger, and even grief. If you find yourself or the kids tiptoeing around these issues, it’s time to have a sit-down family discussion. There could be lingering questions that haven’t previously been addressed, or things that they’ve been ruminating on, and it will ease everyone’s anxieties to get it all out in the open.
   
2. Don’t go overboard or overspend. Resist the urge to try and “one-up” your ex. You can’t buy your children’s happiness, and you shouldn’t have to. Sometimes, the simple things like spending time together playing a new board game or puzzle, baking cookies, or simply asking what they want to do for the holiday can be more enjoyable than planning an over-the-top holiday. Additionally, if you’re in the throes of the divorce process, finances are probably tight, and this is not the time to rack up credit card debt.
   
3. Go with the flow – and that includes emotions. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, take 5 minutes in another room to feel them – you aren’t a holiday robot! You’re going through a transitional time too, and we also suggest talking to the kids about it when you come back. And speaking of the flow, sometimes listening to the emotional undercurrent can mean not doing a scheduled event and just staying in.
   
4. Release what doesn’t serve you. Did you always dread going to your Mother-in-Law’s house on Thanksgiving? How about talking to weird Uncle Al on Christmas Eve? In this time of transition, NOW is the time to end your holiday obligations and celebrate the way that YOU want to.
   
5. Create new traditions. Spending the holidays solo with your kids for the first time is the perfect opportunity to start new traditions. Whether it be going Black Friday shopping for the first time, eating pizza for breakfast on Christmas morning, or having a holiday movie marathon with hot cocoa and popcorn, there are so many ways to start making new memories. Asking for your children’s input on this makes it even more enjoyable.
   
6. Don’t forget to have fun! If you aren’t living in the moment, your kids are going to feel it. Take some time to disconnect from the heavy and center your relationship with them. There are a lot of families who can’t see each other around the holidays, and it’s a blessing that you have this time together (whether it falls on the actual calendar holiday or not). Make the most of it!

And if you aren’t separated yet, we still recommend considering the tips on this list, especially the last point. Happy Holidays!